TOP ONE HUNDRED REASONS WHY
                CAPTAIN PICARD IS BETTER THAN CAPTAIN KIRK

100.  Picard can say more than two words without gasping for air.
 99.  Picard is thin enough to wear a jumpsuit with panache.
 98.  Picard doesn't need to hop in the sack to prove his masculinity.
 97.  Hair doesn't mean diddley if the personality is all air.
 96.  Picard's picture is beside the word confidence in the dictionary.
 95.  Two words-- Sexy Smile.
 94.  If Kirk had been killed in the first episode, the show would have
      been reduced to 30 minutes of good acting.
 93.  Picard has morals.
 92.  Picard is a class act.
 91.  Picard is a man of reason, who is not afraid to show his strength
      when necessary, but only when necessary.
 90.  Picard has learned patience.  Kirk couldn't learn the alphabet.
 89.  Picard is self-confident.
 88.  Picard would rather sing to children to comfort them than kill them.
 87.  Picard is sexier with his shirt unbuttoned to his waist than Kirk is
      completely naked.
 86.  Kirk didn't have the brains to read a book or appreciate fictional
      characters like Dixon Hill.
 85.  Kirk never straightened his shirt because he was a slob.
 84.  Kirk only thought he beat a Vulcan at chess; Picard did.
 83.  Picard listens to his first officer, considers the information, then
      makes an appropriate decision.
 82.  Picard is rational.
 81.  Picard admits he's made mistakes.  It takes a real man to admit
      his errors.
 80.  Q would have killed Kirk, mistaking him for his twin brother.
 79.  Picard knows how to spell his middle name.
 78.  Kirk wouldn't have known what archeology was if it bit him on the ass.
 77.  Picard doesn't believe himself to be omniperfect.
 76.  Picard doesn't stare at himself for hours in the mirror.
 75.  Picard can tell the difference between a real woman and a mirage.
 74.  Picard wears a more natural, less cakey makeup.
 73.  Picard drinks ale, yet where is his "beer belly?"
 72.  Kirk was merely a first draft. Picard is the refined, edited version.
 71.  Picard has taste.
 70.  Picard is a man of culture.
 69.  If a group of 10 sex starved women were being rescued by the captain
      of the Enterprise; if it were Kirk, they'd run away screaming,
      "We'll wait for the next ship!"
 68.  If it were Picard, Kirk's favorite fantasy would come true.
 67.  Picard can do much better than Joan Collins.
 66.  Picard likes painting nudes, which allows him plenty of time to
      properly court the model.
 65.  Picard can speak intelligently with his officers about anything on
      the Enterprise.
 64.  Kirk never knew Scotty lied to him about the status of the engines
      because he didn't understand the Enterprise didn't use gas.
 63.  Picard can walk the walk.
 62.  Picard can talk the talk.
 61.  Kirk can do neither without seeming like an ape.
 60.  Beverly Crusher would have zapped Kirk had he made a move on her.
 59.  Wesley Crusher would have been running the Enterprise had Kirk been
      his captain, and Kirk would never have known.
 58.  Kirk could never have handled a first officer like Riker.  Riker
      would have grown impatient with his halting, gasping sentences and
      thrown him out the cargo bay.
 57.  Kirk is rude.
 56.  Kirk would never have allowed an episode involving a dream sequence
      in which Deanna and Worf become lovers.  It would have taken away
      too much attention from him.
 55.  Picard has lasted more seasons as the Captain of the Enterprise for
      a reason.
 54.  Picard doesn't need to wear a wig to feel like a man.
 53.  Kirk wouldn't wear a kilt because people would have laughed at his
      legs and he would have had to kill the entire crew.
 52.  If Kirk had met the Borg, they wouldn't have assimilated him.  They
      would have discarded him as space debris.
 51.  The Borg only assimilate intelligent life.
 50.  Picard has the balls to stand among hundreds of Klingons and argue
      with them.
 49.  Picard doesn't have to worry that Deanna can read his thoughts.
 48.  If Deanna read Kirk's thoughts, she would find he never had an
      original thought.
 47.  Picard isn't into swashbuckling, but if he were... 
 46.  Kirk thinks himself a futuristic swashbuckler, but is more suited
      to prehistoric man.
 45.  Picard would have been a better foil for Spock.
 44.  Keyword: Intelligence.
 43.  Picard cares if the crew lives or dies.
 42.  Kirk only worries about his own butt.
 41.  When Picard doesn't trust the Romulans, he forms an intricate plan
      to discover what they are really up to.
 40.  Two words: line delivery.
 39.  Picard hasn't contributed to the population explosion.
 38.  Picard could have Beverly if he crooked his little finger.  Kirk
      wouldn't have a chance.
 37.  Picard had the sense to get rid of the ugly doctor and get Beverly
      back.
 36.  Kirk's doctor was a guy.
 35.  Kirk's doctor was named Bones.
 34.  Picard has a multi-ethnic ship.
 33.  Starfleet knew Kirk couldn't handle other species that might make
      him feel inferior.
 32.  Kirk's girlfriends looked best in complete darkness.
 31.  Picard has tossed away beautiful women because they were airheads.
 30.  Picard is curious.
 29.  Picard collects antiques-- such as books.
 28.  Picard's ship logs contain more syllables per word than Kirk's.
 27.  Kirk has a short forehead.
 26.  Kirk has a short neck.
 25.  Kirk left the Enterprise to become a police captain.
 24.  Picard is still on the Enterprise.
 23.  Kirk has not aged well.
 22.  Picard has aged beautifully.
 21.  Picard looks fantastic in spandex.
 20.  Picard can speak in several languages-- and he knows more than
      just the swear words for each one.
 19.  The creator's wife doesn't follow Kirk around making cow eyes at him!
 18.  Kirk couldn't go anywhere alone.  He was a scaredy cat.
 17.  If there were ever a Klingon on Kirk's bridge, Kirk would be dead.
 16.  Do women swoon when they hear "Beam me up, Scotty"?  No?  How about
      "Make it so"?  See the difference?
 15.  A bartender would not have bothered wasting time talking to Kirk.
 14.  Ted Turner will never have to start a controversy over the
      coluorization of Picard.
 13.  Kirk never said "Abandon ship!  All hands abandon ship!" because he
      was already out of there at the first hint of trouble.
 12.  Kirk was scared of a little tribble.
 11.  A holodeck would have been a waste to Kirk.
 10.  Picard can be in the same room for 5 minutes with a woman without
      groping her.
  9.  Picard doesn't use cologne to mask his natural scent.
  8.  Picard can pilot the Enterprise though a mine field.
  7.  Picard has sex more than once a season but doesn't feel the need for
      us to know of every conquest.
  6.  Picard drinks Earl Grey tea.
  5.  Picard can actually speak to an android of high intelligence and be
      understood.
  4.  Picard isn't picky about who sits in his chair on the bridge.
  3.  Kirk had low performance technology because he couldn't handle high
      performance technology.
  2.  One word:  Velour.
  1.  Last word-- Picard is so far superior to Kirk, this whole list is a
      waste of time.